"Sleep Talkin' Man"

Hey guys!
So I was surfing the internet earlier and read about something that can be described in one word: Hysterical!
So there's this man, maybe in his early 30's or late 20's, and he sleep talks. Okay, you're probably thinking "So? Lots of people sleep talk. What's so special about him?" Well, I'll tell you. The things he says are hilarious, but they make absolutely no sense. Below is a list of some of the things he's said while he's asleep.

Note: Some of the things he says have swear words in them, so I will try to avoid those. But some of them sre just so funny that I HAVE to put them on!

Note: Some things he says are rather... creepy. Almost like wierd visions? I don't know, but they freaked me out.

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Panda's are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

"Deedoo. It's a deedoo. A deedoo... Oh, it's not a deedoo. I have no idea what it is."

"You know, with you you you, it's all me, me, me. Well f*** f*** f*** f*** you you you."

"[chuckling throughout] I'm trying not to laugh. But your face! Your face! Oh, please look away. Please?"

"My badger's gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!"

"No, not the cats. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much."
Note: One of the creepy things I was talking about.

"I'm awe-some. Deal with it f***er!"

"Monkey power! Straight from the jungle."

"Can you hold... can you hold my starfish? It doesn't like it when I'm getting excited. Oh look, it likes you! It's legs are getting all cree-py cree-py."

"I feel all rolley polley rolley polley. Rolley pony PONY... Splat!"

"Butt cheeks ahoy! There she blows!"

"You can't be a pirate if you haven't got a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules."

"If I wanted to see a long nose and a big ass, I'd look at a horse."

"We haven't got a plank. Just f***ing jump."

"[Hand tangled in wife's hair, massaging her scalp.] "I'm stuck. I'm stuck. Your pubes! You've got to shave."

"Don't... don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings."

"By the way, washing in rose water doesn't help you stop smelling like a piece of shit."

"I'd rather peel off my skin and bathe in my weeping raw flesh in a bath of vinegar than spend any time with you. But that's just my opinion. Don't take it personally."

"Well that's just great. Peanut butter in my crack. Goddamnit."

(Andie will love this one) "Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun."

"This fish has got big floppy lips. Floppy lips. Fishy kissy fishy kissy. Oop, took one on the mouth! Not nice."

Oh my goodness. These are hilarious! And completely real. His wife has a voice activated audio recorder, and in the morning she types them onto a blog. They're very popular now, and they've even been on several talk shows. If you would like to read more of his... jibberish (amusing jibberish!), then go to www.sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com and no, there is no "g" in "talkin".
Wow, he's a smart ass in his sleep! Seriously, he says rude things about people! But I still lol'd ;)